This is a daily thought for me. Is there enough time for me to meet my goals, organize, and write? First things first, I wake up, ponder for a moment as I wash my face and brush my teeth. I put on my running clothes, and tie my sneakers, pull my hair into a cap, and put on my headset then head outdoors. Because I do this almost every morning, I’ve noticed the change of the season. The air is chiller, leaves that were green weeks ago, have turned to orange, red or yellow and lay beneath my feet. I reminded that soon the clocks will fall back, and it will get darker earlier. While I might hate to lose the time to darker afternoons, I reflect on what does it mean for me and will I fall back into unhealthy habits.
My abuse happened in September and by the time the holidays arrived, not only was I alone with my memories, but it was also a dark period for me. I had decisions to make, no money, and was unsure about my future. The early mornings shrouded in darkness and early afternoons helped me to stay on an emotional Ferris wheel. Yes, a Ferris wheel, one moment close to the top, then a sudden drop to the bottom. Some people don’t realize that there are people who suffer trauma and dread the holidays. For me, even with years of counseling, I do dread falling back into that dark place. I really could skip the months of November through February and be quite content. Seriously, when we set the clocks ahead and have lighter days, I feel better.
Since that is not realistic, I continue to challenge myself this time of year to recognize when I feel myself slipping into a dark moment to breathe, reflect, and push myself to lean into one of my goals. Run longer, meditate, and pray, write, read, or fill my gratitude page in my journal. This month I challenge you to answer the journal prompt: Will you fall back on time or move ahead with your goals?
Happy Autumn.